Moony and Padfoot Get Drunk
by ElysiumPhoenix
Summary: One night Remus and Sirius get drunk and decide to do a little pranking of their own. Set Summer between 4th/5th years.


_Author Note – This popped into my head while I was doing one of those quiz things you can post onm your profile. Hope you enjoy._

**_edit - Just brushing this up, getting rid of errors._**

* * *

Late one night Sirius went into the drawing room of Grimmauld Place and spotted Moony sat looking out the dreary window.

'Moony what you doing in here?'

Remus looked away from the window. 'Nothing Pads, just thinking. It's hard to believe Harry's going to be starting his fifth year at Hogwarts next week.' He ran his hand through his sandy hair in a weary way. 'Makes me feel old.'

Sirius barked out a laugh. 'We are old Moony. Two old men in a dark old house.' He went over to the cabinet in the corner of the room and pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey and two glasses. 'Care to join me Moony?'

Moony eyed the bottle. 'That looks old.'

Sirius dropped into the chair next to his friend. 'It is.' He poured two generous helpings and sipped one and relishing the burn it caused. 'I'll give my old man this, he sure knew his firewhiskey.'

Remus laughed and picked up his own glass, lifting it in a toast. 'To your old man then.' He took a sip and gasped. 'Gods Padfoot! This is strong stuff!'

Sirius chuckled and took another sip. 'Yep. And you know what makes it taste better Moony old man?'

'What?'

'That right now my father is rolling in his grave that a 'half breed' is drinking his finest whiskey.'

Remus joined in Sirius' laughter. 'If it weren't for the fact that she'd wake the whole house we could go tell your mother's portrait.'

Sirius nearly choked on his mouthful of firewhiskey. 'Sometimes I think I forget that you have a sense of humour Moony.'

Remus grinned. 'Yeah Pads because I'm serious.'

Sirius grinned back. 'No you're not, I am.'

Remus laughed and took another drink. 'I think that joke got old somewhere around the first week we were in Hogwarts.'

'Doesn't stop it being funny though. Does it?'

Remus shook his head and sipped again. 'If you say so Padfoot.' The two friends fell into a companionable silence.

Slowly they started reminiscing about their time at Hogwarts. They emptied the first bottle of firewhiskey and started on a second. As they did talk turned to pranks they had pulled.

* * *

'Oh, oh!' Sirius pointed at Remus with his whiskey glass in hand sloshing it onto the table. 'Do you remember…fourth year! The time we managed to put that magical dye in the girls' showers?'

Remus sipped and sat up straighter in excitement. '_Yes!_ And all the girls in Hogwarts had green skins for _days_!' Remus sniggered. 'Lily thought Prongs did it. Oh I was _so_ glad she didn't figure out it was us.'

Sirius was leaning on the table sniggering and trying to drink more whiskey at the same time. 'Yeah, she jinxed his hair green and silver! I think that was the only time in his life James ignored Lily.'

Remus roared with laughter. 'I don't think he noticed that she was actually happy about that!'

'And, and our sixth fear…er sixth year – when we got into the Slytherin's Quiddith locker room and charmed their clothes so that when they scored – '

' – oh! Yeah, they turned crimson and gold when they scored!' Remus helped himself to more whiskey. 'And they divdn't – didn't notice at first! The bats didn't even see!' Remus enriched his sentence with and grand gesture of his arms, Spilling most of his whiskey on the floor. 'Hey, didn't I have more whiskey?' He shrugged and refilled the glass.

'The twins 'av neffer done _that_ haff they?' Sirius said pouring whiskey for himself.

'Nah, they don' – ' Remus burped and continued. 'don' even know the _meaning_ of being a prankster.'

Sirius nodded emphatically. 'Amateurs!' He declared loudly.

Remus got struck with an idea. 'Hey, hey Padfoot! Know what we should do?'

'What?'

'_We_ should prank _them_! That'd show 'em who's the _real_ jokers in this house!' Remus had an excited look on his face.

Sirius stood up and staggered. 'Nah, nah, nah. We'll prank the whole lot of 'em! Even – even Harry.'

Remus stood up clutching his glass and staggered over to Sirius. 'Padfoot old man, tha's a most excellent idea. Le's do it.'

Padfoot and Moony made their way out of the drawing room and silently crept towards the door of the first bedroom.

Moony pulled out his wand. 'Now we'll put the charms on the doorways.' He had a look of extreme (drunken) focus on his face. 'Tha' way nobody'll see traps.'

Padfoot whispered back to him. 'Yeah an' they can't avoider them neither.'

'So colour charms then?' Moony asked, to which Padfoot nodded. 'A'right then.'

Half an hour later the two sniggering men stumbled back to the drawing room sniggering quietly and shushing each other. In the drawing room Moony lit the fireplace and nearly set the carpet on fire instead. The two men then sat in front of the fire telling more stories, finishing the second bottle of firewhiskey and starting a third.

* * *

'_FRED! GEORGE!'_

Sirius awoke with a start and clutched his head. He was sprawled on the floor in front of the fireplace in the drawing room. Beside him a bleary eyed Remus was also clutching his head.

'Oh gods Padfoot. How much did we drink?'

Sirius tried to lift his head to look but the world started spinning and he gave up on moving. 'I've no idea. And I'm not moving to find out.'

Remus let out a groan, and shifted slightly. 'Pads there's three empty bottle here.'

Sirius rubbed his eyes and tried to ignore the rampaging Hippogriffs in his head. 'Yeah that feels about right.'

Just then another yell sounded from somewhere in the house.

'_WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU TWO THINKING?!'_

Sirius carefully rolled his head to look and Remus. 'Did we really – '

Remus gave a very small nod. 'I think so.'

'_WELL WHO WAS IT THEN?'_

Sirius blanched and saw Remus do the same. 'Do you think it's too late to run for it?'

Remus looked scared. 'What earth possessed us to do it?'

Just then the door to the drawing room slammed open to reveal an enraged Molly Weasley who was sporting blue hair and green skin.

'HAVE YOU TWO LOST YOUR MINDS!'

Sirius rolled into a ball and clutched his ears. 'Oh gods my head.'

Behind Molly other people appeared in a variety of colours. Hermione and Ginny had Lilac hair and turquoise skin. Arthur matched Molly. Harry and Ron had green hair and pink skin. The twins were the only ones who didn't seem annoyed, in fact they seemed to be enjoying themselves. They had bright yellow hair and red skin.

'YOU ARE TWO GROWN MEN! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!'

Remus groaned and tried to sit up but lost to gravity. 'Molly I am begging you, desperately begging you, to talk just little quieter.'

'TALK QUIETER?! YOU'VE TURNED EVERYONE INTO A BLOODY RAINBOW!'

Sirius managed to roll onto his hands and knees and was now fighting down the urge to vomit onto the floor. 'It's just a prank Molly.' Oh god now the Hippogriffs were have a party. Sirius rolled onto his backside and propped his arms on his knees.

Remus was still on his back groaning. 'Oh merciful Hippogriffs, please go away.'

Sirius could hear some smothered laughter from behind Molly. 'Molly please, we just had a bit much too drink and – '

'So that gives you an excuse does it?' Molly was now talking quieter but from her narrowed eyes Sirius could tell it wasn't good news.

'I er…' oh why wasn't his brain working? Sirius spotted the three empty bottles. Oh yes that was why. 'Well no but…'

'You are supposed to be setting an example.' Molly hissed fiercely. 'And you!' She stomped closer to Remus. 'You were a teacher, you should know better even if he doesn't!

Sirius raised his hand slightly. 'Technically we were both Marauders first.' There were sniggers from the doorway as Molly stomped over to him and smacked the back of his head. 'Ow, oh gods Molly. I've got enough Hippogriffs in my head thanks!' Sirius groaned as her attack provoked a new wave of nausea.

Beside him Remus had managed to sit up finally. 'It was just for some fun Molly, no harm done.'

Molly growled. 'I AM BLUE AND GREEN, REMUS LUPIN!'

Arthur stepped forward as Sirius and Remus both clutched their heads again. 'I think they are regretting their actions Molly, why don't you go get your shower and try to relax?'

Molly glared at her husband but stormed out of the room. The watchers at the door parting swiftly to let her past.

Arthur looked down at the hungover men. 'How much did you drink?' Sirius just waved at the empty bottles. 'No wonder you can barely move. Is that your father's stash?'

Sirius nodded but stopped quickly. 'Yeah, it was funny thinking of his reaction to Remus drinking it.' Then Sirius remembered something else from last night. 'Er…Arthur you er…wouldn't happen to have Molly's wand would you?'

Arthur frowned. 'No, why?'

Sirius looked at Remus who had gone pale again. He staggered to his feet and pulled Remus up, they clung to each other as the world spun around them. 'Quick Moony, if we hurry we could still – '

'_AAAAAAGH!'_

Everyone froze at the shriek of fury coming from the bathroom.

Arthur looked at the two Marauders who were now genuinely fearing for their lives. 'What did you do to the shower?'

Sirius shook his head. 'Not the shower.'

Remus shivered fearfully. 'The charms are on the doors. The bathroom makes you – '

There was a thundering of footsteps on the stairs and everyone quickly backed away from the door and the two trembling men.

Molly reappeared in the doorway and everyone gaped at her. Her hair and skin were now flashing a wide range of colours.

Sirius whispered to Remus. 'I give anything to be facing a hundred Lily's right now.

'Lily had nothing on Molly.' Remus said just as quietly. 'It's been nice knowing you Pads.'

* * *

_Author Note – I was totally laughing my ass off writing this, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it._


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